the best part of waking up
by C. Cohen
Summary: "I thought you were dead.", is the first thing that Clary blurts out after opening the door to reveal Sebastian, dressed as if returning from some far away trip. From hell, maybe. She can't remember.
1. Chapter 1

"I thought you were dead.", is the first thing that Clary blurts out after opening the door to reveal Sebastian, dressed as if returning from some far away trip. From hell, maybe. She can't remember.

He just gave her a shit-eating grin, passing through her as she motioned to let him in. Clary was just baffled. What Sebastian was doing on her house? Why was he acting as if everything was normal? _Why wasn't he dead?_

"Don't answer a girl's texts for three days and there's already a funeral planned for you,", he answered, putting his bag on the floor. His green - not black,but _green_ \- eyes glinted at her, the faintest hint of mischief in them. "Don't worry, Clarissa. It was just a nightmare you had."

She relaxed. It makes a bit of sense. Yeah, maybe Clary dreamed the whole thing. Demons and its hunters didn't exist beyond the realm of fantasy, after all. It was a simple dream. Nothing to worry about.

Sebastian then went to the kitchen, and Clary followed him a bit after, reminding herself sleep time was over, she was awake and Sebastian was alive, and found something on the table, wrapped in colorful gift wrapping, her brother quietly watching as the smell of coffee filled her nostrils.

She didn't see him carrying that. Maybe she was still half dreaming, after all. Clary tried to blink herself awake, and Sebastian chuckled behind her. Hell, she needed coffee.

"I'm making it for you, too.", he said, as if reading her mind, and Clary sat on the table, feet dangling off the floor, suddenly aware of her shorts and shirt, holey and old and comfortable. Sebastian doesn't seem to notice it, and if he does, he doesn't seem to care. He gestured to the package at her side. "Open it. It's your Christmas gift, but I'm sure mom and dad won't mind you open it early."

Was it Christmas already? Shit, she _really_ needed coffee. She couldn't even remember what day it was. Clary looked at the package, a bright red ribbon shining in the early light that spilled in the kitchen, and plucked it out carefully, setting it aside and ripping the wrapping carelessly.

Meanwhile, Sebastian (... Where that nickname had come from, anyway…? She couldn't remember a lot, not in that weird sleep haze she was.) just chuckled, serving the hot beverage in mugs, and she could hear his smile when Clary saw the five brushes in a small plastic case, painted flowers decorating it.

"The finest brushes money could buy,", he said, closing the small space that separated them, putting the mug by her side and taking a sip from his. Clary opened the case and touched them, quietly marveling at how perfect they already seemed. "What do you think?"

"They're great!", Clary answered, turning back to Sebastian, who seemed closer than necessary. She smiled softly and picked the ribbon, putting it on him. "You're a gift, Sebastian."

He smiled and put his mug away, touching her face with reverent fingers, almost as if Clary was something so fragile a mere touch could break. Sebastian's face approached hers, and warm spread through her face.

"Aren't I, Clarissa,", he whispered, and Sebastian closed the space between them, kissing softly her lips - and then hungrily, like she was the last drop of water in the desert.

She reciprocated - she had missed him so much and this was so wrong, but she could not bring herself to care, not with the way Sebastian's fingers threaded through her hair, nor with how his body felt against hers. His free hand was playing with the hem of her ratty shirt, and she let her hands secure themselves in his arms. His hand in her shit went north, and then he -

Someone knocked on the door, and Clary's eyes shoot up, looking into Sebastian's suddenly black ones. She backs away, but he keeps her firmly in place.

"Seems like our time is over, Clarissa,", he said, his face full of the angles she has known, not anymore the sweet boy she was dreaming of.

The door opens, and Clary awakens, sitting upright, heart beating wild in her chest, and Jocelyn looks at her with a frown marring her face.

"Are you alright, Clary?", she asked, and Clary nodded quietly, pulling the covers up. "Are you sure? I tried calling you, but you wouldn't wake up."

"Yeah, sorry. Rough night,", she answered, voice quiet because she didn't trust herself. "I'll be down in a minute."

Her mom watched her for a second too long, waiting for something, and then nodded, closing the door. Clary sighed, passed a hair through her hair, and kicked the covers to the floor, deciding on what to do - until something hard hit the floor and made her pause.

She went over the heap of blankets and peered cautiously, finding the small plastic case with flowers she saw in her dream.

Clary's head felt dizzy as she opened it, touching the brushes, and they felt exactly the same as in her dream. She choked a bitter laugh in her throat, and with careful fingers, she threw it under the bed. Clary was _not_ going to deal with that particular can of worms.


	2. Chapter 2

When she opens the door again for him, this time Clary _knows_ it's a dream. She glared at him, green against black, and he awaited for her to speak up.

"It's not polite to not let people in, Clarissa.", he said, breaking the silence between them. She huffed, crossing her arms.

"It's not polite to invade people's dreams.", Clary pointed out, and he shrugged. "I thought you were dead."

She let him in, and Sebastian went straight for the couch, putting his bag on the floor and sitting as if this were his house. Clary looked around, and bitterly noted this looked like their father's now destroyed apartment.

"I am.", Sebastian answered, when Clary closed the door, so quietly the sound is almost muffled by it. She doesn't turn to look at him. "However, that doesn't mean I didn't escape."

She turns to face him, and finds two coffee mugs on a coffee table that wasn't there before, Sebastian sitting with his eyes closed.

"You were never good at playing by the rules. Not even _dead_ ,", Clary stated, moving to sit as far away on the couch as she can.

"So are you. Pray tell, didn't you create a portal to go to Idris, or does my memory fail me?", he answered, and Clary hissed under her breath, color filling her cheeks. Sebastian smiled, cracking one eye open. "But yes, I broke the rules. I am what you call a ghost."

Clary watched him with sharp eyes as he closed his, noticing that he seemed pretty corporeal to a ghost.

"Oh, that's because I'm not real. I'm still gathering strength.", he reached for the coffee mug, sipping it quietly, and Clary stared at him. "I'm stealing the souls of the innocents, by the way."  
Clary kept her stare, and Sebastian rolled his eyes, mildly annoyed.

"Have you ever heard a joke, Clarissa? I can't do that. I'm just lying low, visiting you. Normal stuff."

"Because it's pretty normal to a dead brother to haunt one's dreams, sure."

"You didn't act very _sisterly_ to me last night, Clarissa.", he sipped his coffee mug once more, seeming very pleased with himself, and Clary wanted to do nothing more than wring his neck.

"Fuck you,", she hissed, and he smirked, setting his barely-drunk coffee mug aside to touch her face, reaching across the space separating them, his eyes - flashing between black and green - looking at her with something curious inside. "You know, it's not like you were nice or anything. Don't act so hurt."

It's a lie. She knew it was a lie. He was nice to her, _once upon a time_ , when they lived in their dad's moving apartment and she could _pretend_ some semblance to normality, just a bunch of teenagers moving around and doing teenager things, like staying up late and fighting demons.

Sebastian approached her, and they kissed once again, Clary letting herself forget they were siblings and he was dead, only keeping in her mind the soft and cold touch of his lips on hers.

Someone knocked on the door, and Sebastian sighed again, separating from her just enough to talk.

"Looks like it's fate for us to be interrupted.", he rose up, passing a hand through his hair. "Go on, Clarissa."

Clary woke up and stared at her ceiling, frustrated. She had opened the damn can of worms.

She rose up from her bed, and went to pick up the brush set under her bed, staring at the box for what seemed like the longest minute of Clary's life.

Someone knocked on the door, and she threw Sebastian's gift under her bed just in time before Jace opened the door. If he had caught her - what would he have done?

"Good morning, Clary,", he always seemed to shine, but today it seemed like her eyes weren't used to it. "Ready for training?"

"Sure,", Clary yawned, and Jace grinned. "Just let me get ready."

She needed to forget her dreams. Physical violence seemed like the best solution.


	3. Chapter 3

Clary, every once in awhile, liked to pretend to be mundane - so she skipped the Institute for a day or two, and spent her day in the most secluded coffeeshop she could find, sketching the people in there while sipping at her hot cocoa. She couldn't drink coffee since Sebastian's dream.

She was in the middle of the profile of one of the baristas when someone slipped to sit by her side, and Clary was ready to speak something about it when she noticed who had joined her dark corner.

" _You_.", she hissed, glaring to Sebastian's face. He ignored her. "Am I dreaming, or am I now talking to thin air?"

"I'm quite visible as long as there's no light,", Sebastian answered, smirking to her. Clary kept her glare. "Aren't you glad I'm strong enough to visit you outside your dreams, Clarissa?"

"Not really,", Clary replied, and went back to her drawing, Sebastian's head using her shoulder as a resting place, his eyes - black, like they always were - staring at her hands. It was unnerving. "What do you want?"

"The pleasure of your company, of course,", Sebastian rolled his eyes, and Clary didn't buy it. Sebastian wasn't the type to enjoy sitting around and do nothing. "Really, Clarissa. I want nothing more than sit here and watch you draw."

"I doubt it, but be my guest," Clary replied, and kept drawing.

Sebastian, she found out, liked to watch people and point out stuff about them. Like, for example, the hipster looking girl that bought some fancy coffee or another had stolen her beanie, or the boy with a guitar in his back was catfishing five different men at the same time.

Clary looked at Sebastian while he went to buy more hot drinks, trying to understand the puzzle laid out in front of her with no success. He made no sense in this new form.

Perhaps it was the lack of demon blood. Clary remembered his last words well enough - they were seared in her mind, actually, but that was her secret -, and maybe it was the lack of pain that made him… Well, more _human_. Even if he wasn't human right now. More ghostly?

Clary snorted into her drink, and Sebastian rose an eyebrow in her direction, lazily throwing an arm around her shoulders.

"What's so funny, Clarissa?"

"Nothing at all, of course,", she replied, and before Clary could elaborate, he kissed her. Clary could only thank the Angel or whatever other divine being was listening for the fact they didn't look alike, unless you knew where to look.

Clary kissed him back, shutting all other thoughts of Jace. His lips were nice and soft, and gradually warmed up against hers as their kiss one moment, brief and shining, Clary pretended this wasn't her dead ghostly brother she was kissing. It worked until they needed air to breath - well, Clary did. Sebastian certainly didn't -, and he smirked.

"Tell yourself you didn't enjoy it, Clarissa,", he whispered, his breath against her skin.

"Fuck you,", she hissed, and that infuriating smirk of his was glued to Sebastian's stupid face, her cheeks warm. Sebastian simply rose up and walked out, the only reminder of his time with her a half-drunk cooling mug of coffee.

Clary bit her lower lip and left the coffee shop, the drawings she made - one of them half a sketch of Sebastian, an angel with leathery wings - burning in her sketchbook.


	4. Chapter 4

Clary had gotten sick by accident. The flu had been going around, and Clary had walked with her head in the clouds - the feeling of Sebastian's lips against her taking her feet off the floor - and she had been caught. As such, Isabelle told her not to worry with going out to hunt until she was better, and Clary went home, staying on her couch with a nice, warm blanket, and some old cheesy anime. She hoped she didn't have company - namely, Sebastian.

That was too much to be expected, really, because at some point - somewhere between Sailor Moon R and Sailor Moon S, the fever Clary was nursing made time a hard thing to keep track of - he was by her side, sitting under the blankets she was nested in.

"I'm sick, can you leave me alone?", she moaned, and Sebastian tutted her.

"I can't, in good faith, leave my little sister alone when she's sick, can I?", he smiled, touching her forehead. his hand felt comfortably cold against her warm skin, and Clary leaned into it. "I'd say you are warm, but I can't exactly measure temperatures."

"You're cold."

"I happen to be dead, and the dead aren't known for being warm,", he answered, kissing her forehead with cold lips. "Just rest, Clarissa, I'll keep you safe."

Clary hummed and threw herself in his arms, cuddling against him. He was cold and refreshing, and Sebastian's hum reverberated against her, his smile a presence she couldn't shake off.

"You're cold, so let me stay here,", Clary told him, adjusting herself against him, Sebastian's surprisingly cold body so she could watch the anime.

"Oh, I wasn't going to protest, let me assure you,", Sebastian hummed, his _somehow_ cold breath against Clary's warm skin making goosebumps raise up. "I find this comfortable, too."

"You better, because I'm not leaving this.", Clary murmured, green eyes turning back to the television. At some point, Clary fell asleep, because she woke up to the sound of the door being opened, clumsily blinking off the sleep off her body when she focused into Jace, who seemed surprised.

Clary tried to rise up, see why Jace seemed ready to murder someone, but Sebastian's arm didn't let her, and Clary did her best to not seen surprised. Of course Jace would be able to see Sebastian - the room was dark, after all.

"Jace?", Clary called, faking confusion. It'd be hard to explain why she had been sleeping in her dead brother's arms, after all. "What happened?"

"Yes, Jace, what happened?", Sebastian's sing-song voice was so sarcastic it was caustic, his smirk an aura as his arm brought her closer to his body - somehow. "Oh, let me guess. It's me?"

"Clary, are you...?", Jace asked, shock clear as day in his face, and Clary had to take a quick decision. She glanced at the television and offered Jace a smile, trying to pass an image of innocence.

"Sick? Yeah, a bit. I've just finished S, do you want to watch Super S with me?", she asked, and Sebastian seemed to caught on what she was trying to do, because he started kissing her softly, cold against her skin. Jace gave a step back, and Clary frowned. "Jace?"

"Sorry, I… I forgot something.", before Clary could even answer, Jace closed the door, and Sebastian's laugh ringed through her ears. Clary waited a bit before turning back to face her dead brother, but regretted it when his face was close enough she could feel his breath. Or would, had he been alive.

"That was cruel of you,", she whispered, not sure if Jace was going to come back. If he did, it would be hard to explain what was happening.

Sebastian's smirk mocked Clary. She wanted to punch the smirk off his stupid face.

"And not of you?", Clary blushed, but blamed it on the fever.

"That's not what…", her sentence was cut off by Sebastian kissing her, his tongue asking for permission to enter her mouth. Clary let him, putting one hand in his hair as Sebastian pulled her closer, almost making her sit in his lap.

When Clary needed to breath - she wasn't sure Sebastian needed, considering his whole ghost thing - he let her go, and they stared at each other. She took a deep breath, and Sebastian kissed her forehead softly, too gently for him. Clary moved off his lap and bit her lower lip, trying to form a coherent sentence.

"Can we discuss this?", she asked, and Sebastian smirked, messing her hair before rising up. "Wait, don't go, Sebastian."

Sebastian ignored her, going for the door, and Clary kicked off her blanket, rising up.

"Johnathan Christopher Morgenstern,", Clary hissed, and at least that made him stop, which gave her some leave to approach him, grabbing Sebastian by his wrist. "Can we please talk about this whole situation?"

His shoulders started to tremble, and Clary was worried for half a second before laughter erupted from Sebastian. He turned to face her, his wrist escaping from her grip, and kissed her, wild and ruthless like he had, in a way, always been.

When their lips separated, he grinned to her.

"That worked on me, Clarissa, but I'm not so sure it had the effect you wanted,", he said, before disappearing. Clary growled at the empty air, deciding to bury herself under the blanket and forget that had happened, being able to sit back in the couch and cover her shoulders before Jace opened the door, sword in hand.

Clary looked at him and made a vague "what the fuck?" gesture, and Jace shrugged, putting the sword back.

"Sorry, I thought I had saw…", Jace bit his lower lip, and took a deep breath. "Nevermind. Anime, right?"

"Yeah,", Clary smiled. "Come on, join me, let me pass my flu to you."

Jace grinned and joined her, but Clary's focus was somewhere else - wherever Sebastian went when not haunting her, really, but Jace didn't need to know that.


	5. Chapter 5

After Clary recovered, Sebastian kept away from her which, honestly, was a relief. There was no need to pretend to her boyfriend her dead brother was a ghost and was being flirty with her and by the Angel, Clary was corresponding.

Still, some odd, sick part of her missed Sebastian. It was… Oddly nice to have him with her, a comforting presence that watched over her, in the most fucked up way.

So, when she found herself in that dream apartment - that, now that Clary gave it one thought too many, looked eerily similar like her father's traveling apartment -, in front of the door, she opened it with a sigh, finding Sebastian waiting.

"Did you run out of energy to visit me while awake?", she asked, letting him in, and Sebastian went straight to the couch, the center table with two coffee mugs already waiting for them.

"No, but you had a rough night,", he replied, throwing himself on the couch while somehow managing to be graceful about it. "And really, I'm not sure if you'd have appreciated trying to discuss with me while fighting that demon."

Clary blushed against her will; yes, the fight against that demon had been bad, but not as bad as Sebastian was making it sound. Clary wanted to cuss at him for that, but there was an interesting glint in his black eyes. Clary sat on the center table, picking up her coffee mug absent-minded, and sipped at it, trying to think.

"What's with the mood?", she asked, in the end, and Sebastian rolled his eyes.

"Nothing at all, Clarissa."

"Doesn't sound like nothing at all to me, Jonathan,", Clary pointed out, and Sebastian twitched. Clary was starting to become amused. She had - finally - found a button to push. "What's wrong, Jonathan?"

"Don't call me by that name. It's not mine. It's...", there was a pause, Sebastian sucking air for a moment too long. "It's your boyfriend's name."

"Are you...", the surprise was too much to Clary, shocked. "Are you jealous?"

Sebastian blushed - _blushed! -_ and Clary silently congratulated herself on zeroing in her dearest brother's issues while, at the same time, being horrified she knew him so well.

"Shouldn't I be? You're mine, Clarissa, and you still mingle with… With him."

"My boyfriend, you mean?"

"Yes, angel boy.", Sebastian snarled, rising up, starting to pace the dream floor like a caged beast. "Why him?"

"Well…", Clary started, not really sure where to _actually_ begin. "Maybe because we went through so much together?"

"And we didn't?"

"You were the villain. We… Bonded over it, but...", Clary bit her lower lip, Sebastian's gaze on her warm and not totally unwelcome. "But it was over getting over you. For me, it was getting over the brother I never had. For Jace..."

Sebastian scowled, and Clary stopped in her tracks, rising up to touch him, his face soft even in her dreams. Clary wondered how that was possible, and rationalized to it being a side effect of her dream not being truly hers, and Sebastian not being truly a product of her sleeping mind.

"For Jace, you were the what-if. He was really dreading he'd be…"

"Me. Yes, I think I got it.", Sebastian snarled, his hands on hers. "But, if you asked me, I think he'd really enjoy being me."

Clary made a vague questioning sound, and Sebastian smirked, kissing her softly, more softly than she thought possible, coming from him. His hands let go of hers, and Clary pulled him closer to her body, her hands entangling in Sebastian's pale hair as his fingers dug into her waist. Clary took the chance to deepen the kiss, their tongues meeting - not for the first time - for what seemed like eternity, before Clary had to separate to breath. Well, either that, or her brain was acting like it was awake. Did she need to breath during dreams?

Sebastian looked at her once, eyes dark, before kissing her again, his hand now playing with the hem of her shirt, and Clary decided that maybe this couldn't be so bad. It wasn't like it was real life, anyway. It was just a dream, a dream where she was getting ready to fuck her own dead brother.

Clary broke the kiss off, cleaning her mouth with the back of her hand, and Sebastian smiled, almost angelic, to her.

"Some interesting thoughts in your head, Clarissa?"

"If you planted them, I will find a way to send you to Hell and ensure you stay there,", she spit, and that only made Sebastian's grin _grow._

"Oh, no. I'm just a ghost, how I'm supposed to do that?", Sebastian's hand touched her face. "You did it yourself."

"And you're doing this on purpose."

"Don't I always?", he said, his voice almost drowning the two knocks on the door. Sebastian kissed her forehead, gentle and unlike him. "Time to wake up, Cinderella."

Clary sat down in her bed, a frown in her face as she kicked the blankets off, angrily brushing her hair as she tried to tame the blush that permeated her cheeks.

"Cinderella wasn't even the one that fell asleep.", she told herself, and threw the brush in a corner when Clary heard a familiar laugh coming from that direction.


	6. Chapter 6

Sebastian didn't bother her for a few days, which was good. Clary used that time to wisely try to put herself in check, training, escaping to the mundane world for a few hours and some coffee, and going on dates with Jace. The last one was, however, a bit hard - because he and Sebastian looked so alike, at some moments, when his back was turned and Clary _forgot,_ she almost called him by Sebastian's name. It'd be fine if Clary had done that once or twice, but the number was getting dangerously close to double digits.

It was, actually, why she was hiding in the bathroom - well, not exactly hiding, more like taking a very long time to reapply the lipstick Isabelle had given her -, having almost called Jace by her brother's name.

"That color suits you,", Sebastian hummed, and Clary, staring dead at the mirror, Sebastian sitting in the sink, wondered if there wasn't any rune to send the dead back to where they belonged. "No, really."

"I am _trying_ to have a date. Please take notice of what word is stressed.", she replied, going back to applying the lipstick.

"Oh, I know. I was watching.", he replied, messing with her hair. Clary growled at him, grabbing Sebastian by his wrist. "A reaction! Finally. You looked like you were going through the motions. Honestly, I was almost thinking you had been the one who got connected with me! You were reacting just like I would to a date with him."

Clary blushed, opening and closing her mouth to try to find something to refute, reviewing her memories, just to, in the end, let go of his wrist and sit in the sink.

"By the Angel, I have, haven't I?", she said, and Sebastian looked… Oddly smug about it. She slapped his shoulder. " _You_. It's your fault!"

"It's my fault now that you are more interested in me than in your actual boyfriend? How funny.", he jumped from the sink, smiling like nothing was wrong. "Don't you have a date to be, Clarissa?"

Clary wanted to slap that smirk out of his face, but instead, she jumped out of the sink, got out of the bathroom, and went back to her date with Jace, fully aware Sebastian was following her, but pretending she didn't know anything.

"Did I take too long?", Clary asked, sitting in her chair, fully aware of how Sebastian draped his arms over her shoulders. Jace simply stared, and Clary pretended not to know anything. "Jace?"

"No, nothing.", his smile was tense, and his eyes never left Sebastian. Clary simply pretended she knew nothing, and played her part on it - clueless of the ghost hanging in her shoulders.

She kept the charade going, half amused at Jace - who wouldn't stare at her, eyes too focused on Sebastian -, half horrified by what was, essentially, psychological torture by herself and Sebastian. Sebastian, meanwhile, didn't seem to care, kissing her neck softly, while keeping insistent eye contact with Jace.

"I - I have to go.", there was a pause, and Jace rose up. Clary rose an eyebrow at him, and Sebastian chuckled darkly. "I'll be right back."

Jace left, and Clary kept eating as Sebastian took his place, hand reaching across the table to touch Clary's.

"He'll be back, you know?", Clary said, and Sebastian tilted his head at her, too pleased. She never liked when Sebastian was too pleased. "What?"

"Look at the door, Clarissa.", Sebastian rested himself against the back of the chair, and Clary turned just in time to see Jace leave. She watched as her _boyfriend_ left without looking back, and Clary _growled._ "Now that's what I like."

"You.", she turned to face Sebastian, and he _still_ seemed too pleased. If it weren't for the fact he was dead, Clary was ready to kill him. "This is all your fault."

"Is it? Is it my fault your boyfriend doesn't tell you, his girlfriend, that her dead, evil demon brother is being creepy without her knowledge? I mean, that's pretty fucked, and he's not telling poor, innocent, not able to see ghosts you that I was just all over you?", Sebastian smirked, and Clary, while understanding his point, wanted to stab him with a fork. "If it were me, I'd have told you by that first time, back in the couch, but that's because I love you. Can dear angel boy say the same?"

Clary rose, throwing a twenty on the table, and stormed off. Since he couldn't seem to let go of Clary, Sebastian followed her, but mercifully silent, as Clary decided that she was treating herself to something nice. She definitely deserved it, at least, as a gift to herself for dealing with Sebastian. At worse, for dealing with Sebastian repeatedly. Sebastian didn't say anything anymore, but his smug aura spoke enough for both.

Only when she returned to the Institute it was when Clary spoke, setting the bag with the mangas she had bought in her bed, hands on her waist and eyes on Sebastian, who stared at one of her drawings like it mattered to him.

"Don't you have nowhere else to be? Like, let's say, Hell?, she asked, glaring daggers at him. He looked at her for a brief, fleeting moment, and Clary waited. They had time.

Sebastian smiled, approaching her and touching her hips, too close for comfort, but Clary couldn't find it in herself to protest.

"My place is by your side, Clarissa,", he whispered hoarsely, dark eyes focused on her for a second before kissing her, and Clary kissed him back, biting his lower lip and pushing him closer with one hand, the other going through his hair, fury making this bad decision seem like a very good one as Sebastian's tongue entered her mouth. Clary didn't care enough.

When they separated, Clary panting with the need for breath and Sebastian's black eyes were filled with lust. Clary could recognize it well enough - she could _feel it_ in herself as well.

"My, my, my,", was all Sebastian was able to said, probably ready for some cutting remark before Clary, with a roll of her green eyes, kissed him, pulling him to her bed as she kicked the bag to the floor, forgetting about it as she was suddenly much more interested in the way the muscles in Sebastian's back felt under her hands and the way his hands were pulling her body closer to Sebastian's, one of his knees opening her legs.

One of Sebastian's hand had just left Clary's hips to go open her bra when someone knocked on the door, and Clary bit back a groan as Sebastian chuckled.

"Not even in real life, mmh?", Sebastian whispered against her skin, and Clary suppressed a shiver. "I'll see you soon, Clarissa."

Sebastian disappeared in thin air, and Clary passed a hand through her hair as she sat up, fully awake and having to face her life decisions. There was no dreamy fog to cover what she had been ready to do with Sebastian.

Whoever was behind the door knocked again, and Clary bit back her swollen lower lip.

"One moment!", she called, adjusting her clothes as Clary rose up, deciding to forget everything up to that moment. That was hers and Sebastian's alone.


	7. Chapter 7

Jace stared at Clary, and Clary, drinking slowly her hot chocolate, wondered if he could remember how to speak. She was, admittedly, somewhat pissed at him - and as much as she loathed to admit, Sebastian had a point. Why wasn't he telling her she was being haunted by Sebastian?

"Is there something in my face?", Clary asked, with a smile, and Jace stared down. Clary stared at the fork by the side of her half-untouched breakfast, and decided against it. "Come on, you've been weird for days. What's wrong?"

"Look, it's just…", whatever Jace was about to say was interrupted by Sebastian's voice, as if on cue, and had Clary been alone with her personal ghostly pain in the ass she'd have told him to stop doing that.

"Oh, go ahead, tell her.", Sebastian's hand touched her bare shoulders, and Clary kept her eyes on Jace. "Tell her all I've been doing to her without her knowledge. Let her know for how much time you've known and haven't spoken anything about it."

Jace had the faintest brush of color over his cheeks, and Clary made a curious noise as Sebastian's hand seemed to work on a knot she had on her shoulders.

"Jace?", Clary tried, and Jace smiled faintly.

"There's cream on your cheek.", he rose up, and Clary was starting to have a deja vu. "I forgot Magnus called me to… Check on his plants."

"Nice excuse, Jace. What's next? Are you going to give a wellness check on a werewolf's fur?, Sebastian asked, and he simply stared at Sebastian before leaving. Clary rose up too, and Sebastian looked, amused, at her, before she stuck her tongue out at him childishly and followed Jace, grabbing him by his wrist.

Jace stopped, looking confusedly at her, and then his eyes went to Sebastian, who walked behind her.

"What's wrong?", Clary asked, despite knowing very well what was wrong. "Jace, you've been acting weird."

Miraculously, Sebastian kept quiet, but Clary could feel the smug smile on his lips and wished she could wipe it off.

"Nothing, nothing at all.", it was moments like these Clary wished she could call him out, tell Jace she knew what he was seeing - but that'd be equivalent of telling him that she had allowed Sebastian to do everything he had with her, and that'd be another whole can of worms. "It's just… I think I might be seeing ghosts, and I was going to Magnus to see what I could do about it. That's all."

"That's what I am to you? A ghost? After all we shared?", Sebastian asked, and Clary _really_ wanted to wipe the smug look out of his face as she let Jace go.

"Well, can I go with you? I'm sure you'd appreciate some company.", Clary offered. The look on Jace's face was answer enough. "No?"

"It's... Personal.", Jace got away from her. "I'll be back as soon as possible."

Before Clary could even answer _to me too!,_ Jace was gone, and her hands balled in fists, shaking.

"Looks like you were rejected, Clarissa,", Sebastian hummed, and she turned to him.

"As if this isn't all your fault?", she hissed, storming up to her room, and Sebastian chuckled. "As if - as if…"

"We have been doing this together, Clarissa, don't stick the blame solely on me,", he kept humming, and Clarissa wanted to shut him up, closing the door to her room with too much strength. "Or, don't tell me, you've been an unwilling participant to this?"

"I never asked for you to come and haunt me!", Clary tried, tired, and Sebastian smirked.

"You asked for me, Clarissa.", Sebastian gave a step forward, their bodies close, too close. "Your dreams called for me, and I came to you."

Sebastian touched Clary's face tenderly, and she held to his shoulders.

"I didn't do that."

"Not consciously.", never consciously. How could have she asked for him? Sure, Clary had had a few dreams where the Sebastian she saw in her vision on Edom appeared, but they always ended with her killing him, her memories trampling the peaceful dreams where she stared at the sky with her brother by her side, hands barely touching, wind blowing softly.

Sebastian didn't answer her this time, kissing her instead, and Clary decided to get lost in their kiss, hands going through Sebastian's soft hair, and his hand possessively over her hips. When he deepened the kiss, Clary corresponded, and when he guided her to bed, Jace's face flashed over his for one second.

"Do you want this?", Sebastian asked, and Clary nodded.

Jace should've told her of Sebastian.


	8. Chapter 8

When Clary woke up in the following morning, sore and with her neck filled with hickeys, regret washed over her. It passed pretty quickly after she did a small rune to hide the hickeys and could pretend nothing had happened. To her utmost curiosity, Sebastian wasn't around. That was weird - Clary remembered that they had slept together after, well, _sleeping together._

Still, he used to disappear and appear again during the most inconvenient of times. Clary shrugged to herself and dressed up, deciding breakfast sounded like a nice idea after her _vigorous_ marathon the day before, and finding an oddly relieved Jace there, drinking coffee like it was some miraculous elixir. She raised an eyebrow to him.

"Leave some to me,", she called, a smile playing in her face, and Jace looked at her as if she was the sun. Clary was… Confused.

He hadn't been doing that, not even when Sebastian wasn't around. Jace had been refusing to look at her, as if afraid Sebastian would be near, kissing her without Clary seemingly knowing.

Still, she had a role to play. Clary served herself some coffee, and smiled to him.

"Looks like someone is in a good mood today, huh? How were things with Magnus' plants?", Clary knew fully well that was a weak lie of, but still. Playing clueless was part of her scheme to not be caught.

"Actually, I haven't been honest with you.", Jace started, and Clary looked at him, his eyes sheepish and quiet. That was new. "You know how I told you I had been seeing ghosts, yeah?"

"Yes, and you went to see Magnus to see if you could do anything about it.", Clary sipped her coffee, and Jace beamed. "What about it?"

"Well, it was…", he took a deep breath, and Clary waited for what she knew already, getting ready to act shocked. "It was your brother."

"What? No, he's…", she started, shaking her head. "It couldn't be him."

"It was,", Jace insisted, blushing. That was cute. "He was… Well, Sebastian was… Molesting you."

"And I wasn't told this, because…?", Clary let her mug aside, crossing her arms, glaring at Jace. Jace had the decency to look ashamed, at least.

"Because you had no way to defend yourself…?", Jace tried. Clary had to give props for that, at least.

"Oh, so it was _much_ better for me to suffer whatever Sebastian wanted to do, without knowing? Sure, Jace, what a nice plan,", Clary was being too bitter, but she had a right. Well, she would have, at least, had she actually not known.

"But there's no need to worry! I visited Magnus yesterday, and there was a difference between Sebastian and a normal ghost.", Jace started explaining. Clary rose an eyebrow to him. "You see, most ghosts stay around because of some sentimental item, and have no eyes, right?"

"Yes, what about it?", Clary sat down in the kitchen top, waiting.

"Well, Sebastian clearly wasn't a normal ghost, so me and Magnus exorcised him. He won't be bothering you anymore.", the fact that Jace seemed so proud of it made Clary's stomach drop. The fact that Clary would never see Sebastian again made her head spin.

The fact she had to smile and thank Jace for the _favor_ made Clary want to strangle him. She hadn't asked for it, and yet, this was what she got. Jace, she noticed with growing horror, wasn't the one she wanted anymore - no, Clary wanted Sebastian and the way he kissed her.

Clary spent her day with Jace and played her part, pretending to be thankful, agreeing to not mention the subject anymore, touching her neck occasionally just so she could feel the mild sting of the hickeys Sebastian had left on her skin - the last of him on her.

When Clary retired to her room, she picked up the set of brushes Sebastian had gifted her what seemed like a lifetime ago and started to paint.

When morning arrived, Jace opened the door to her room - she was late to training, after all, and he was worried. He found Clary asleep in her clothes from the day, skin painting her skin, and a brand new painting of a mansion in a field. If he had looked closely enough, Jace might have seen a small, white haired figure in one of them windows, with a small, red-haired figure by his side.


	9. Chapter 9

Clary's skin was warm with the blowing wind, but she knew she was dreaming because Sebastian was by her side. This, however, wasn't her Sebastian - it was Jonathan, the boy he could have been.

"You're a fake,", she told the dreamself her head had invented, eyes focused in the starry sky. "I don't want you. I want…"

"You're stuck with me,", he answered, green eyes innocent. "You know this. When Jace exorcised me, he sent me away."

"You're not him.", Clary sat up, hugging her knees. The fields in front of her were infinite, the grass the exact same shade of their eyes. "I want Sebastian."

"Clary…", he started, and she hissed at him. The dreamself was a floozy - what else was to be expected? Not even her name he could get right.

"I miss Sebastian,", Clary said softly, and stared at the infinite. "I wish he'd just waltz in here and…"

"And what?", Jonathan said, sitting and crossing his arms. "Start a forbidden, ghostly relationship with me? I'm still your brother, remember?"

"Yes, how should I forget?", Clary looked at the dreamself, and he seemed unfazed. "As if I didn't think it through during the pasts months? As if I don't know it wouldn't have worked out? Do you think I'm dumb?"

"I am your brain, remember?", he said, his voice _just_ wrong enough to make Clary mad. "I'm just reminding you of everything."

"I know, I know.", Clary passed a hand through her hair. "I've been doing it all wrong, haven't I? Jace has noticed."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, but go on,", Jonathan said, and Clary nodded.

"All I can paint is Sebastian. All I can draw is Sebastian. I'm…"

"In love,", he chimed, and Clary blushed, putting her face in her hands. "It's alright, we went through this scenario already. Besides, he's dead, so who cares if you got a crush on your dead brother? Jace looks just like him, anyway, so if you can fake it it's good."

Clary sighed, and rose her head, looking to the infinity in front of her, the grass swaying gently under the fake wind.

"I don't want to do that."

"You can't exactly have a relationship with your dead, exorcised brother,", Jonathan pointed out. Jonathan then made a weird, gurgling sound, and Clary frowned. This was her dream - Jonathan wouldn't be able to do anything she didn't want him to.

"Jonathan?", she asked, turning her head to find him, green eyes meeting - meeting _black_ eyes. Familiar black eyes.

Sebastian smirked at her.

"Hello, Clarissa.", he said, and Clary threw himself on him, not thinking straight. "Wow, don't answer a girl's pleas for three days…"

"First, fuck off with that,", Clary said, kissing him. The good thing about dreams, she thought as their tongues explored each other's mouths, is that air supply wasn't really a necessity. When she had herself satisfied, straddling Sebastian's hips, she continued. "Second, what took you so long?"

"Angel boy and the warlock expelled me from being physically present in this plane,", Sebastian started, hands playing with the waist of her pants. "As such, I had to figure out how to find you again. Did you know, by the way, that people's dreams occur in different dimensions? It's very curious."

She kissed him again. Sebastian let her, hands running through her hair.

"So, basically,", he continued, mouth starting to become swollen. Clary smirked to herself. ", as long as you're dreaming, I can come visit you. It's a shame we can't tease angel boy anymore, however."

"Who cares about Jace?", Clary asked, taking off her shirt. Sebastian raised an eyebrow to her.

"I thought you did, but I'm not one to discuss.", he replied, kissing her, one hand playing with her bra strap. Why her dreamself had a bra, she'd never know.

Still, she had Sebastian back. Who cared about anything else? Clary didn't, certainly. She could do some self-introspection later, when she was awake, anyway, and forget it all when she fell asleep. Right now, however, she had better things to do - namely, Sebastian.

When Clary woke up, she smiled, satisfied with herself. The best part of waking up, however, was the fact she now knew Sebastian wouldn't go away again.


End file.
